By Bob Olson
Have you wondered if you can control who comes through in spirit during a reading with a psychic medium? Perhaps you are worried that that a loved one won’t come through or, on the flip side, someone you don’t like will show up. There are several reasons why all these occurrences are possible, as we’ll discuss in detail below.
You can pray to the loved ones in spirit whom you’d like to show up at your reading and request that they be there, but there are never any guarantees. Psychic mediums are like telephones to the spirit world without a dial. They can pick up the phone and see who is there, but they can’t dial directly to any one spirit. In most cases, the person with whom you wish to communicate will show up to the reading, but it’s never guaranteed.
If you had a reading with a psychic medium and your deceased loved one didn’t come through, you’re most likely wondering what that means. This is one of those situations where there is more than one possible reason.
If you have never been to a psychic medium before and you might never go again, spirits only have this single opportunity to communicate with you. Consequently, those in spirit, including your spirit guides, are going to get the most important messages through first—from the most important people in spirit.
For example, even though you might want to communicate with your recently deceased mother, it might be more important that your friend comes through to tell you he doesn’t blame you for the car accident that killed him when you were teenagers, especially if you were driving. Or it might be more important that your stepfather comes through to request your forgiveness for being abusive or forgive you for something you did or said before he passed. Or it might even be more important that your neighbor’s grandmother comes through asking you to tell her daughter (your neighbor) that her grandmother is alive in spirit.
Not that we have any choice, but we have to trust that spirit knows what’s most imperative. Even though you might prefer to hear from your recently deceased mother more than your high school friend, your friend’s message might be more important for your peace of mind or spiritual growth.
In the same way, while some people aren’t pleased about paying for a reading where their neighbor, friend, or relative gets a message, a spirit might know that those people are never going to get a reading, so they employ you as their messenger to deliver an important message. Feel good about this opportunity to help another, and know that you can always get another reading. What the spirit is saying in this situation is that they know that you are strong enough to work through your grief if your reading is briefly cut short for another’s benefit, or they know that you’ll be back for another reading in the future.
It’s a rare occurrence when you get more messages for another than you get for yourself.
This generally only happens at psychic medium demonstrations (live events) when the medium is only giving 10-minute readings to audience members. Even then, this doesn’t happen frequently.
This is one reason I recommend people get a one-hour reading versus a half-hour reading. Obviously if you have more time, it’s more likely that you’ll hear from the person that you want because the most important messages can come first and there’ll still be time for the loved one you’re seeking to come through if he or she didn’t show up immediately.
Some people believe that our loved ones in spirit need time to reintegrate to the afterlife before they’ll show up to a reading, especially in the case of suicide, murder, or sudden death. Yet I’ve witnessed readings where people who have taken their own life, been murdered, or died suddenly showed up during a reading just hours or days after their death.
Some psychic mediums say it’s common that our loved ones who have been in spirit for a longer time help bring through those who have recently passed. Sometimes we might not even know about this assistance during a reading, but it does happen. But don’t worry if no one else in your family has passed prior to your loved one in spirit as there’s always distant relatives, spirit guides, and spirits this person knew before they were born to greet them back home into the spirit world and help them communicate with their surviving loved ones here on the earth plane.
I don’t actually believe time has anything to do with one spirit helping another spirit to communicate with us humans. I believe that some spirits are just better at communicating with us than others. So when a grandfather helps his recently deceased grandson communicate with the boy’s mother, it might not be because the grandfather has been in spirit longer. It’s more likely that the grandfather is just better at this type of communication. He probably helps people who have been in spirit longer than him as well.
It’s fairly rare that the loved one you most want to hear from doesn’t show up at your reading, so there is always a good reason for it when it happens. Sometimes it has more to do with what’s going on with you than it does them. Your physical and mental state of mind can affect your reading. I know a woman who called a psychic medium once in order to make a reading appointment. When the medium answered the phone, her deceased mother immediately made contact and began giving the medium messages. The connection was strong, and the messages were loud and clear. However, the psychic medium didn’t have time to give the reading at that moment, so they made the appointment for the next day.
The woman was so nervous about her reading that she drank a bottle of wine that evening. The next day, when she showed up at the reading with a hangover, the psychic medium was negatively affected by the woman’s depleted energy. He said that while the woman’s mother was definitely coming through, the connection was foggy and faint—a distinct contrast from the day before. As a result, the reading was less than satisfying for the woman, and she was entirely responsible for it. It had absolutely nothing to do with her mother (or the medium) and everything to do with her own state of mind.
Spirit communication through a psychic medium is a three-way conversation. All three parties—the sitter, the medium, and the spirit—affect the reading. If the sitter (client) or the psychic medium arrives with their energy low, the reading won’t be as good as when everyone’s energy is high.
Be conscious to avoid negatively affecting your energy prior to a reading due to alcohol, drugs, stress, an argument, lack of sleep, too much exercise, or too many concerns weighing on your mind. You’re expected to be nervous if this is your first reading, but nervous energy isn’t necessarily low energy unless you try to suppress it with drugs or alcohol. Just allow your nervousness to play out as enthusiasm, and be optimistic and playful during the reading. The spirit-to-medium connection will likely be better as a result.
At the same time, don’t book a reading if your grief is such that you are in a desperate state of mind. Desperation is a lower-energy emotion. If you’re feeling fraught with despair or overly anxious about contacting your departed loved one, it might be best to see a grief counselor first. If your loved ones in spirit don’t think you can manage the messages in a healthy manner, they might choose to not come through for your sake. Plus it can be really distracting for a psychic medium if you’re sobbing uncontrollably while she’s trying to communicate with your loved ones. This can disrupt the medium from giving her best reading because she’s so concerned about you.
Having covered all these bases, it’s also true that psychic mediums have bad days, just like the rest of us. They too get stressed, depressed, and tired. If the psychic medium was able to get clear messages from one or two relatives but not from the person in spirit whom you wanted, then this is probably not the issue. But if none of the messages seemed accurate or there were a few minor hits but a lot more misses, it’s possible that the psychic medium was having an off day.
In this case, always let the psychic medium know early in the reading that the messages are not making sense. This way, the psychic medium can stop the reading and book it for another day. Don’t wait until the reading is over before you say something. That’s not fair to the medium, and it’s not fair to you.
Always keep in mind that regardless of what happens or doesn’t happen at your reading, there will be future opportunities for other readings. Too many people put so much pressure on the reading as if they’ll never get another chance to connect with their loved ones. Yet this just isn’t true.
There will be other chances. If you want to connect with your loved one in spirit, you’ll have another opportunity if it’s a priority in your life. And don’t forget that you are always connected to your loved ones. You don’t need a psychic medium present in order to communicate with them. Sometimes you just need to trust in your own ability to recognize the signs that are all around you. Some people call this faith. If you have faith and a little patience, you’ll eventually connect with your loved one in spirit in some way—through a medium, in a dream, via an after-death communication (ADC), maybe even during meditation.
As far as preventing certain people from coming through your reading, you can certainly ask people in spirit (before a reading) to not show up at your reading. But no, you really can’t prevent spirits from showing up.
On more than one occasion, I’ve witnessed an ex-husband’s mother show up hoping her former daughter-in-law (who was getting the reading) would pass a message on to the spirit’s son. I’ve even seen departed relatives of a neighbor arrive at the reading hoping the person getting the reading would share a message with the spirit’s relative (the neighbor). This doesn’t happen frequently, but it does happen more often than you might expect.
Another typical yet unwanted occurrence at a reading is when an abusive parent, relative, or spouse (now in spirit) shows up pleading for forgiveness when the person getting the reading wants nothing to do with him or her. These are difficult situations for everyone involved. And it’s during cases like these when you realize that spirit communication isn’t all about you.
Even though you paid for the reading, spirit communication also holds benefits for those in spirit. So if someone you know in spirit needs to tell you that they are sorry for something they did or said to you, it might be equally important for you to hear it, even if you don’t think you want to hear it. You aren’t required to forgive them, of course. But it can be healing to know that they are remorseful for their actions.
The best thing to do when a spirit who you don’t want there shows up at your reading is to simply allow their message to come through. Let their message be conveyed so that the reading can move on to another spirit. From my experience witnessing this type of situation in numerous psychic medium demonstrations (readings from a stage in a live arena), if you waste time telling the medium that you don’t want to hear from that spirit, it’s unlikely to change anything and will only waste time. Some people in spirit will continue to distract the psychic medium until they get their message through.
So let what needs to be said come through, and then move forward. You might actually discover that the message you get is exactly what you need to hear. And don’t forget, you get to talk back and say whatever you want to say to them as well. That’s one of the greatest benefits of spirit communication—it’s a conversation, not a monologue. You can talk right out loud to the person in spirit, and they’ll hear everything you have to say. Even if you wait until after the reading when you’re home alone, that spirit will still hear what you have to say. So go ahead, and get what you’re feeling off your chest. Sometimes that’s what’s required before any healing can take place.
Finally, I want to add something that I feel is vitally important. After investigating the afterlife since 1999, I have never seen any evidence that people who die get stuck or lost between this world and the afterlife. It doesn’t matter that the person died by suicide, motor vehicle accident or murder, everyone finds their way into the love and light of the spirit world. And I know hundreds of psychic mediums who agree with me.
So if you get a psychic medium telling you that your loved one who died is stuck or lost and has not gone into the light, don’t believe it. It’s a fearful message that is misinterpreted by a few psychic mediums because they have strong religious beliefs that lead them to make this interpretation. I think it’s harmful and negligent for any medium to spread such fear, but it happens every once in a while, so I warn you about it now.
This article is an excerpt from Bob Olson’s book, Answers About The Afterlife.
©2014 Written By Bob Olson
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